The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

There are two things you may have learned about me by this point, 1-I LOVE Christmas and 2-I LOVE hanging out with my family.  This story is a perfect illustration of why these two things are true.

After four years of spending Christmas away from my family working in Colorado, December of 2007 I was finally home again.  However, things didn’t go quite as I had planned.  My mom informed me that we would be spending Christmas Day in Florida with my grandparents.  I was fine with that plan, and quite excited for the whole family to be together again, but I couldn’t help feeling sad that we wouldn’t have a white Christmas (I mean we went golfing on Xmas day…that’s just not right!).  So my mom promised that once we got back to New Hampshire we could have another Christmas; one complete with snow, a fire in the fireplace, and a few falls on the ice from Beano.

On the morning of December 28th, my mom and stepdad (Beano) were in the kitchen having breakfast when Beano asked, “Do we have to dress up for Christmas dinner tonight?”  My mom (for some unknown reason) was appalled by this, “Are you serious?  In the ten years we’ve had Christmas dinner together, have we ever ONCE had to dress up?!?”

“Ahh whatevah,” Beano grumbled.  Still upset by his absurdity, my mom went upstairs and burst in to my bedroom where my sister and I were sleeping.

“Guess what Beano just asked me!” she exclaimed, and proceeded to explain the whole incident.  To which I replied, “You mean dress up in costumes?”  Well that comment got us going back and forth about how funny it would be if we all dressed up in costumes and next thing you know we’ve come up with the most brilliant plan.  The three of us decided we would go to the Good Will and look for the most ridiculous ‘dress up’ outfits we could find and they would be the required attire for Christmas dinner that year.  We got my brother in on the plan as well. 

When it was time to eat, the four of us said, “OK Beano, we’re going to go get dressed up now.”  As we paraded up the stairs he stayed put in his chair saying, “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”  He had no idea how pretty we were getting upstairs...

 Once we were as pretty as we could possibly get, we paraded back down to show off our threads.

"What the hell are you guys wearing?!?!" was his response.

"You said you wanted to dress up for dinner.  So we got out our prettiest outfits.  Don't worry, we have one for you too."

We all expected resistance from Beano, but he was surprisingly excited to wear his fancy new Christmas digs.

We actually had quite the photo shoot that night....

 

 

 

And I'm fairly certain we completely embarrassed the dog...

 

We actually wore the outfits all through dinner and then some...

 

 

Who knows what this year will bring.....

One Fatal Flush

While living in Aspen I worked at the Mexican restaurant La Cantina.  That job will most likely go down as one of my best jobs ever.  Not only were the money and the atmosphere phenomenal, but the friendships I made with my coworkers are the kind that will last a lifetime.  Over my almost four years on the payroll I saw a lot of people come and go; but throughout there was a core group of us that remained as close as family.  To this day I still consider them as such, even though we are currently spread out across the country.  Darren was (and is) the fearless leader of this family, the Mama Pata if you will.  He was the kind of boss/friend that I told EVERYTHING to and often turned to for advice.

So now that I’ve given a brief background, on with the story…

My usual shift started at 3:30pm.  Often times I would be doing something around town during the day then just head in to work a little early and get ready there.  The restrooms at Cantina are located downstairs, but there is one single handicapped bathroom upstairs located near the entrance to the kitchen.  At some point it was determined that this was the “employee bathroom”.   It was here that I always changed and got ready for my shift, this day was no different.

Before changing my shirt, I took the sunglasses that are always resting on top of my head and hooked them in to my pocket so they wouldn’t fall.  My memory doesn’t allow me to recall exactly what led up to this, but somewhere during my “getting ready” those sunglasses somehow flew out of my pocket and landed with a splash right in to the toilet.

I had not used the toilet while in there so the glasses were just sitting in plain old toilet water.  Any normal human being would have just reached in, grabbed them out, rinsed them off and gone on with their lives as if nothing happened.  If I were normal, and if that’s how this story went, then it probably wouldn’t be on this blog now would it?

I went for option B.  I bolted out of the bathroom in search of Darren.  The restaurant was fairly empty at that time of day so I expected to find him just standing there wiping menus, ready to save the day.  Instead I found him talking to some customers about who knows what.  The customers’ backs were to me so I tried my best to get in Darren’s line of sight and get his attention.  I kept giving him my “It’s important, I need you” look.  I’m pretty sure he interpreted it as my “I have something really funny to tell you and I can’t wait” look and ignored me. 

After what seemed like forever, Darren ended his conversation and walked over towards me. 

“D!  I need your help!  I know this is going to sound REALLY weird, but I need you to come to the bathroom with me and see what I did,” I explained.  Surprisingly, he didn’t question me and the two of us went to investigate.

I pulled the door handle only to discover it was locked.  NOOO!!  I immediately realized that the woman who had been sitting at table 4 just 30 seconds ago had somehow snuck by me and was in the bathroom.

“Smiles, what is going on?” Darren asked.  I led him around the corner and explained what had happened. 

“Why didn’t you just take them out?”
“Because I came looking for you instead!”  DUH!

As soon as Table 4 lady exited, we both rushed in to assess the damage.  We were greeted with an empty toilet bowl.  It seemed as though the glasses were flushed with ease.  Since there didn’t appear to be any clogging, we assumed all was right with the world again; I giggled, Darren shook his head saying, “oooh Smiley, Smiley, Smiley.  You crazy.”  And we moved on with our lives.

The next day I had off so I went down valley to do some shopping.  Early afternoon I received a phone call from the manager on duty at Cantina.  He was calling to inform me that because of my sunglass flushing incident the toilet in the employee bathroom was overflowing and flooding the area.  Apparently one of the other employees on duty hadn’t heard about the incident and used the facilities to go #2.  The combination of her actions with my sunglasses caused a blockage in the pipes and thus the overflowing.  The manager said it was severe enough a problem that a plumber was called; he just thought I should be aware since I was partly to blame.  It didn’t sound too serious and a plumber was on his way, so again, I figured all was right with the world and I went on with my day. 

A few hours later I got a call from Darren, “You need to get in here.”  He didn’t sound his normal chipper self, and he didn’t call me by my nickname…this can’t be good.

Upon arriving back at Cantina I was greeted by a straight-faced Darren, “Come with me.  I want you to see what you’ve caused.”  Apparently the clog from earlier in the day required the plumber to snake the drain.  When the snake met the sunglasses in the drain it caused the device to jerk back.  The backlash of the jerk did this…

Oops!!

Thankfully this incident wasn’t what ended my Cantina career.  I don’t know what it was that made Darren show mercy on me for this very expensive mistake.  Perhaps it was because a family’s love is unconditional, you stick together through thick and thin.  Or perhaps it was because he figured keeping me around was the best way to get repaid.  Whatever it was, I’m grateful for it.  It would have been quite the shame if I had lost that job to one fatal flush!

A Girl's Best Friend

One year ago today was one of the worst days of my life.  I had to say goodbye to the love of my life, Pippen.  So today's post is a picture tribute to her.  Thanks for 16 great years!!

Me and my baby

 

Wearing her winter coat in the snow

   

Her 3rd birthday and her 15th birthday

  

My little football player

My little patient

   

Seriously, how cute is she!??!?!

Falling into a New Family

Thanksgiving and Christmas are my two favorite holidays.  I mean what’s not to love about Thanksgiving??  It’s a holiday that celebrates food, football, and family!  Christmas is a no-brainer; I love everything about that time of year.   The year I lived in Italy I didn’t come back to the states at all.  So the month from Turkey Day to Baby Jesus’ birthday I was pretty homesick.

During a break in class, a bunch of us were hanging out in the school cafeteria and I mentioned that I didn’t know how I was going to handle a Christmas without family OR snow.  Then out of nowhere one of the girls at the table, Ashley, said that her whole family was flying out to Germany for the holiday; I could tag along if I wanted to (very dangerous thing to say to me…I almost NEVER say no to an opportunity to travel!).  Ashley just offered me everything on my Xmas list…family and snow…of course I said yes!

It’s important to understand my relationship with Ashley at this point.  We had been going to school together for over three months but we hadn’t ever really hung out.  We had done a lot of group things together, but never connected just the two of us.  Which made it even nicer that she offered to include me in her family holiday…and even weirder that I accepted.

Upon hearing that I was joining the festivities, Ashley’s younger sister, Alex, was livid…and rightfully so.  She didn’t understand why Ashley was bringing some girl to Christmas; a girl that Ashley had never once mentioned in any of her stories.  Before I even arrived I was “the random girl who ruined their only time together all year”.  Oh and I should also mention that Ashley and I flew to Germany separately.  Of course she had major delays so I took a cab by myself to the hotel to meet the family for the first time.  And as luck would have it, my arrival forced Alex to wake up from her nap.  I was off to a great start.

So now that we’ve established that I hardly know Ashley, her sister hates me, and we’re all together in the little town of Garmisch, Germany, lets fast-forward to Christmas Day.

Ashley, Alex and I spent all of Christmas Day skiing.  We got back to the hotel around 4:00pm.  Since we were exhausted and we didn’t have to meet for dinner until 7:15, we all decided to take naps.  Ashley set her alarm for 6:00.  She took the longest to get ready, so after she showered she was going to wake the two of us up.  Before she knew it, Ashley checked her watch and it was 7:00pm; Alex and I were still fast asleep.  Frantically Ashley woke us up.  We decided there was no avoiding showering, we couldn’t possibly show up to Christmas dinner covered in sleep and ski funk; we had to act fast. 

(Alex, me, Ashley...top O the mountain)

Our masterminds devised a plan.  Alex had three minutes to shower.  During those three minutes I was to get both our outfits laid out and get myself ready to jump in one side of the shower as she jumped out the other (the shower was one of those bathtub showers with two sliding doors, so it was perfect for creating an entrance and an exit).  With time running out, Ashley started yelling at me to get ready.  I quickly stripped down, anxiously awaiting my cue.

Alex started yelling, “GET READY! GET READY!”  Ashley was cheering us on, “GO! GO! GO!”, I joined the party, “I’M READY! LETS GO!”  With all the excitement and yelling I think I was a little too eager to jump.  When it was go time, I hopped in with my left foot.  Since I had just woken up 4 minutes prior I hadn’t yet put my contacts in, so I failed to notice that the back of the tub (right where I planted my left foot) was slanted.  So as I went to bring my right foot in…BAM!! The laws of physics took over and I slammed down on to the side of the tub…the side with the metal track for the door...right down the middle of me…bare a$$ naked!!  I frantically tried to lift myself up but the stupid tub was so wet and slippery that I just kept flopping around…straddling the bathtub…still naked.  Alex and Ashley just stood there perplexed…staring at my bare bum.

“Do we touch her??” Alex asked.  One hardly knew me, one hated me…which one should help?  Eventually I calmed down enough to figure out how to pick myself up and properly get in the shower.  At this point I’m pretty sure the girls still hadn’t moved.

“Are you okay??” 
Nothing game out of my mouth for the next hour except uncontrollable, embarrassed laughter.  Realizing I wasn’t really hurt, Ashley and Alex felt comfortable enough to laugh at me as well.

After that my relationship with the Webers changed forever.  To this day Ashley is one of my very best friends and Alex like my little sister.  We went from strangers to family in one quick instant.  We’ve even spent other Christmases together since then…but I kept my clothes on for those.

The Wild, Wild East

My freshman year of college my friend Lauren and I wanted to go somewhere together for spring break. But unfortunately since we were at two different schools our spring breaks didn’t coincide. So instead she came out east for a few days. While she was here we spent a few nights at my parent’s house in New Hampshire.

A little background on my parent’s house…it’s a gorgeous house that sits on 10 acres of land, most of which is woods. The house is very old and they have since redone every room. But at the time of this story my bedroom had yet to be ‘fixed up’ and the window, which faced the woods, wasn’t sealed very well and had a hole in the screen. This hole was my nemesis; it let all sorts of bugs in during the summer. I do not do well bugs, I was raised a city girl.

(my parent's house)

Anyway, back to the story.

So Lauren’s last night in town we both slept in my double bed. At about 3:30am I woke up because I felt something moving on my back. I slowly looked over my shoulder and found myself face to face with a black cat!

As quickly as I could, I flipped back on to my stomach and tried to stealthily wake up Lauren without disrupting the feline, “LAUREN!! LAUREN!!” I felt her starting to wake up and continued my campaign. “LAUREN! LAUREN! WAKE UP!” She sleepily replied, “whaat?”

“what. is. on. my. back.”
“What?”

“what. is. on. my. back.”
How she answered the question this time is up for debate. In hindsight it does make more sense that she said “what?”, but at 3:30am with a cat on my back the answer I heard was, “CAT!” With that confirmation I sprinted out of the room as fast as I possibly could and burst in to my parent’s room down the hall.

“MOM! WAKE UP!! THERE’S A CAT IN MY ROOM!”

Terrified, my mom shot up out of bed. As I frantically explained the situation to her, Lauren, like any trusting friend, figured if I just sprinted out of the room at full speed there must be a good reason. Beyond confused, she ran into the hall to see what was going on and was greeted with my demands, “Close the door!! Trap it in there!!!” Again, Lauren trustingly obliged, albeit still very confused.

Realizing I was seriously freaking out, my mom got up to search my room for the cat that “came in through the hole in the screen”; I remained safely in my parent’s room. My stepdad rolled over and mumbled, “What’s going on?” I told him there was a wild cat in my room and I could still feel where it had been standing on my back. He simply said, “ah whatevah,” rolled over and went back to sleep. Thanks for the concern Beano!

Shockingly the search was inconclusive. Lauren and I were told to sleep downstairs in the guest room until the search could continue at a more reasonable hour.

By the time we got down there we realized that the “cat” was actually Lauren just rolling into me in her sleep. Even still, we figured it was safer to spend the night in the guest room…just in case.

After that, redoing my room got moved up a little on the To Do List (at least fixing the window did). And Lauren and I made sure there was always PLENTY of room between us when we shared a bed.

Starting Off With A Bang

Choosing which story to begin with was very difficult for me, I have so many favorites.  So I took the advice of Jack McCoy (“When there’s no good place to start, start somewhere”) and I’m just starting somewhere.  And yes, I am referring to Jack McCoy from Law & Order. 

One summer in college I was shopping the Kittery Outlet stores in Maine with my stepsister Kalyn.  There must have been a lot of sales going on because we hit almost every one of the 120 stores; it was a long day.  Towards the end of the day we found ourselves at the Espirit outlet (which I believe has now gone out of business, Espirit is SO 8 years ago!)  I was at the point where I couldn’t spend another minute in a store, but Kalyn had found just a few more things she couldn’t live without.  So as she was waiting in the Christmastime-esque lines I waited at the front of the store with all the husbands and boyfriends who were feeling my pain.  Waiting is something I loathe, so as I stood there (none of the guys sitting on the benches offered me their seats…thank you chivalry) I looked around trying to find something to occupy my time.  And that’s when I saw it…right in the exit doorway, a 2-ft high stack of metal basket, just asking to be leapt over.

(not actual Espirit baskets)

Before showcasing my Knievel-like skills I wanted to make sure I had an audience, I mean who am I to deprive anyone of such a spectacle of extreme athleticism?!?  So across the many check out aisles and waiting boyfriends/husbands I screamed, “KALYN!! KALYN!! WATCH THIS!!”  The look on her face was the same confused yet curious look I was getting from all my onlookers, although I sensed a little embarrassment as well.  Now that I had my audience, I was ready.  I turned towards the doorway and took off.  After a few quick steps I leapt into the air, proudly soaring above the baskets.

And that’s when it happened.  All at once.  I heard a loud bang, felt a shooting pain in my right knee, heard gasps, heard laughter.  It took me a few seconds to figure out how I ended up IN the baskets and not triumphantly standing BESIDE them.  Apparently while planning this brilliant feat I failed to notice the baskets weren’t in fact in the doorway, but neatly stacked in front of a glass wall!  (What are the chances?!?)

I quickly untangled myself from the baskets and ran outside where I waited for Kalyn alone, laughing hysterically.  I never went back in to at least let people know I was ok or take a bow, but Kalyn and I did end up back at Espirit a few weeks later to return one of her purchases.  And wouldn’t you know, someone had added a bunch of black stickers to that glass wall.  I bet those stickers prevented many people from an embarrassing encounter with that glass.  So to all those people I say, “You’re Welcome!”