Starting Off With A Bang

Choosing which story to begin with was very difficult for me, I have so many favorites.  So I took the advice of Jack McCoy (“When there’s no good place to start, start somewhere”) and I’m just starting somewhere.  And yes, I am referring to Jack McCoy from Law & Order. 

One summer in college I was shopping the Kittery Outlet stores in Maine with my stepsister Kalyn.  There must have been a lot of sales going on because we hit almost every one of the 120 stores; it was a long day.  Towards the end of the day we found ourselves at the Espirit outlet (which I believe has now gone out of business, Espirit is SO 8 years ago!)  I was at the point where I couldn’t spend another minute in a store, but Kalyn had found just a few more things she couldn’t live without.  So as she was waiting in the Christmastime-esque lines I waited at the front of the store with all the husbands and boyfriends who were feeling my pain.  Waiting is something I loathe, so as I stood there (none of the guys sitting on the benches offered me their seats…thank you chivalry) I looked around trying to find something to occupy my time.  And that’s when I saw it…right in the exit doorway, a 2-ft high stack of metal basket, just asking to be leapt over.

(not actual Espirit baskets)

Before showcasing my Knievel-like skills I wanted to make sure I had an audience, I mean who am I to deprive anyone of such a spectacle of extreme athleticism?!?  So across the many check out aisles and waiting boyfriends/husbands I screamed, “KALYN!! KALYN!! WATCH THIS!!”  The look on her face was the same confused yet curious look I was getting from all my onlookers, although I sensed a little embarrassment as well.  Now that I had my audience, I was ready.  I turned towards the doorway and took off.  After a few quick steps I leapt into the air, proudly soaring above the baskets.

And that’s when it happened.  All at once.  I heard a loud bang, felt a shooting pain in my right knee, heard gasps, heard laughter.  It took me a few seconds to figure out how I ended up IN the baskets and not triumphantly standing BESIDE them.  Apparently while planning this brilliant feat I failed to notice the baskets weren’t in fact in the doorway, but neatly stacked in front of a glass wall!  (What are the chances?!?)

I quickly untangled myself from the baskets and ran outside where I waited for Kalyn alone, laughing hysterically.  I never went back in to at least let people know I was ok or take a bow, but Kalyn and I did end up back at Espirit a few weeks later to return one of her purchases.  And wouldn’t you know, someone had added a bunch of black stickers to that glass wall.  I bet those stickers prevented many people from an embarrassing encounter with that glass.  So to all those people I say, “You’re Welcome!”